Not Like This
by RadioSlug
Summary: When the usual chase between Shizuo and Izaya takes a turn for the worse, Izaya learns he can't handle it. Character death. Izaya's POV. Not slash, per Se, but not NOT slash, either.


This was wrong. It was all wrong. This wasn't how I planned it to be, not how I meant for it to go. It was supposed to just be another one of our games of cat and mouse. I didn't mean for it to end up like this.

It was just another day in Ikebukuro. I was prowling around in the shadows, collecting some information for one of my clients. I can't even remember what I was looking for now, it all seems like it was eons ago. When everything was still right. Before everything was turned on its head. It had been storming terribly in the area for the past few days and it made everything have a slick sheen to it, the water reflecting the light from the city and giving a surreal glow to everything it touched.

I skulked around in the back alleys, slipping occasionally on the slippery pavement, keeping myself to the shadows best I could. I pressed myself against a wall at the beginning of an alley, turning my head around the sharp corner to look down the sidewalk. That's when I saw him. The monster of Ikebukuro himself. Shizuo Heiwajima. He was standing outside a shifty-looking bar, probably waiting for Tom, with a cigarette in his mouth and a black umbrella over his head. He still hadn't seen me, so I grinned and pulled my switchblade from my coat pocket. I moved behind him quietly, and made a long, shallow slash up his back. He hissed in surprise and pain and turned around, elbow flying right for my face.

I dodged that and the chase was on, him screaming my name in rage and me giggling 'Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan' again and again over my shoulder. Through alleyways and down streets, things were thrown, slices were made, like it always was. I was in control, moving him like a puppet on a string. At least, until we made it to the rooftops. I still have no idea how we got up there, but with nothing to throw, he was forced to chase me down to wring my neck with his own hands.

We jumped from rooftop to rooftop, for the longest time. Until I jumped to one that was a longer distance away from the other and just barely made it. Shizuo paused, still on the other ledge, he looked like he was unsure of the distance. But I was on the other side, taunting him like the idiot I am. He gritted his teeth and made a jump for it. The toe of his boot barely touched the ledge and then he was falling. He tried to catch himself on the ledge, but the rain made his hand slip and, with a horrified gasp, down he went. Before I could breathe, before I could move, there was a sickening crack from the pavement below. I panicked, jumping down the fire escape.

Once I reached him, the first thing I did was try to taunt him into rising. Saying that only a fool would actually believe that he could be taken down so easily. But when he did not respond, or move at all, my heart sank. I dared to approach him, trying to convince myself that he was just playing possum and, once I was within arm's length, he would grab me and yell 'I though I told you to stay out of Ikebukuro!' like he always does. I was right on him now, he still didn't move. I swallowed and rolled him over.

When he was fully on his back, I nearly passed out. His sunglasses were shattered, the frames lying broken beside his head, his whole front was purplish black, some places bleeding, and others had the skin rolled back to where I could see dark red. I could just barely hear him breathing, his chest rising and falling rapidly. With every breath came a rattling wheeze that didn't sound good at all. I know my face probably looked horrified, and for a moment, I couldn't do anything. I couldn't blink. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe.

Once I could jar myself out of the fear, I panicked and called Shinra. I couldn't explain to him what was wrong, I only told him in a harrowing voice that he needed to get here right. Now. It seemed like hours before I hear the sound of Celty's black bike, but I'm sure it was only minutes. Once Celty had stopped and Shinra dismounted from behind her, he gasped in horror. He ran to Shizuo, ripping his shirt open to examine him. I just stood in the background, tears of guilt and fear running down my face. I backed away until my back hit the wall of the alley and I slid down to the ground.

I brought my knees up, staring unblinkingly at them. My body was going completely numb, whether it is from the cold or from the sorrow, I could only guess. I don't know how long I was sitting there, zoned out and unmoving, but I came to when Celty put a gloved hand on my shoulder and I looked up at her. She motioned with her helmet in the direction of Shinra. I only dared to look up through the hair that was now plastered to my face. His look was grim and he shook his head, tears rolling down his face.

And that was it. I broke down. Sobs wracking my body as my tears rolled down my face like the damned rain that kept falling from the sky. Celty knelt and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me tight against her. I felt ridiculous. How could the great Izaya Orihara be reduced to a sniveling child? And over his worst enemy, no less?

The world grew dark as I sobbed into Celty. I passed out at some point, because the next thing I remember was waking up in Shinra's apartment. I thought back numbly at the day before. At the moments where everything was fine. At the moment where I lost my control and my world shattered. At how I just sobbed into Celty's leather, gripping at her as I felt myself slip away, as if I could stop from losing myself. And that's when I realized that Shizuo was more to me than an enemy. So much more. And I was too stupid to realize it until he was gone. I was a fool for thinking I was more than a human that I was above human emotions, because, in reality, I am less than that. Less than a human.

A few days later was Shizuo's funeral. Only a few people were there; Simon, Tom, Kadota, Celty, and Shinra. I stayed as far away from his grave as I could, while Kadota gave his eulogy, until everyone left. Shinra stopped to pat me on the back comfortingly and for Celty to give me a hug before leaving. Once everyone was gone and his grave had been filled, I approached and just stood there staring at the place where my best friend was buried. I couldn't say anything, I just fell to my knees and sobbed for what seemed like an eternity before Shinra came back and put his hand on my shoulder, pulled me up and led me to his apartment.

I just sat in a stupor for days as so many people came to Shinra's apartment to try to rouse me. Telling me that it wasn't my fault. That it was inevitable. But I just shook my head at them, not saying a word. They were expecting me to taunt them, to laugh and tease them like the old Izaya. But I couldn't feel that Izaya anymore, he wasn't there. All that was left was a dark husk that mimicked the image of the lost Izaya.

I didn't mean for it to end like this. I didn't want it to be this way.

It slipped through my fingers. It wasn't supposed to go like this. Not like this.


End file.
